SBIGlets
by Great Pikmin Fan
Summary: Part of the "SBIG" series. Just a collection of several stories that are intentionally badly written, in an attempt at comedy. The fics can be about anything I feel like writing about, or even be sequels/spinoff/prequel chapters to existing installments. And even have sequels. Just about anything goes.
1. 5word

**SBIGlets**

**Chapter 1: 5word**

**Beginning AN:**

**Welcome to SBIG!** This is a series of purposefully badly done stories that care very little with making sense or trying to add any emotional impact. Or... that's the intent. This is sort of like a bad attempt at comedy. Now, two things I try to avoid with this when comparing the installments to other fics done bad on purpose. One is making them unreadable (but this... admittedly wasn't always a major focus of mine). Two is that this isn't going to get... too disgusting. Well, it might in some stories, but it won't rely on grossout factors as an entertainment value, and even the ones that do teeter into uncomfortable territory won't be trying to really 'outdo' other fics that do this. The only thing I try to trump myself in is the plot's stupidity. Not how hard it is to read it, and not how disgusted (or infuriated for that matter) you will be by it.

Anyway, this in particular is something a bit different. A collection of works. None of these are garunteed "one shots" in the traditional sense - I'll try not to have two stories that are too related come one after another, but just because a particular ficet is over with doesn't mean that it's it for that series. This also doesn't mean that you won't see expansions of other, contained _SBIG_ fics like _Zombie Attack!_ or _Kids Fit the Trolls_, just that outright spinoffs/side stories might be rarer compared to, say, things that happen to use the same formula, or stories that have completely original casts. This one, by the way, is one of the latter. On the flip side, some of these might retroactively turn into "pilots" of other, full _SBIG_ works.

_This is primarly a fic of: The Legend of Zelda. Specifically, Ocarina of Time. Note that this section does not mean that there won't be some crossover cameoes, but if they mostly stay second-tier or just cameoes, then they won't be listed here. This segment is for the "stars."_

* * *

Once, there was a boy named Link. But he was little boy, so he was really weak and could not fight the final boss and could not use hookshot unless it was Majora's Mask. However after getting the three spiritual stones he went into the Temple of Time aka the Time Temple and found a sword. But what if instead of a Master Sword or the Four Swords, it was the not Four Sword but Five Sword or 5word.

"I must get this sword to greatnes!" Link shouted.

He pulled the sword and then there was a lot of Light and Ganonn cameoed to say "You part of plan." and laugh. But then Link woke up in a watery area and saw Zeldas.

"Aren't you supposed to be some old dude with robe that covers his hands?" Link asked. Found himself with a new voice that makes fangirls say "That's mildly sexy" but he did not question it because he thinks it's echo.

"No not Rauru I am the Zelda and I must say that bad things have happened while you were out. You see you were supposed to stop the Gannon but by picking up the 5word it cursed you to sleep because the sword only lets people weild it if they are adults."

"Why is it like a cigarette? Because I don't smoke."

"No dummy it's because the 5word doesn't know how to fate so instead it went by its things and now Gannon has total control over Hyrule."

"No!" Link shouted.

"But need not be afraid!" Zelda shouted. "You are a man now! With hair everywhere!"

Link looked at himself. Cool!

"But also because that was not Master Sword by 5word there's five of you. They are asleep right now but wake them up and good things happen."

Link looked around and saw four more links, Red, Blue, Purple, and Yellow, sleep. Also each of them had a Navi colored the same as their tunic. And the Navi he had was now colored green.

"I wake them now!"

"You don't have to! I will send you all back into the real world instead of the Chamber of Light and that will also wake up the other four Links!"

And then that happened, and Link became Green Link because otherwise that would be too confusing.

Green Link was forest and could wind immune! Red Link was in fire, able to prevent getting too hot! His tunic was like air conditioner! Blue Link was Aquaman! Purple Link can survive ghosteses! Yellow Link can never be dehydrated because his tunic has the ability to make water so he can fill bottles!

"Now what?" Said Green Link.

"I will answer that for you." Shieked out of nowhere. "Go to the graveyard and get a hookshot. Then I tell you temples."

They did.

"Okay you did now!" Sheik said. "There are five temples. The temple in the forest Lost Woods. The temple under lava Death Mountain. The temple everyone hates under Lake Hylia. The scary temple in the graveyard. And the temple everyone likes in the desert. Ganon cursed them all and there are monsters and boss fights haunting them. Break the curse because that will help save Hyrule."

"Why not just fight Ganon?" Said the five Links at once.

"Because the temple curses also power a giant force field around his entire castle. Do this and then enter his castle where there's six more barriers you have to destroy to get into his main central tower."

"Force field?" Asked Blue Link.

"Yes it's Star Wars."

Green Link said, "Hey if have 7 years passed I want to see Saria I bet she's hot now."

Blue Link went, "I'll do the water temple if everyone hates it because water might mean Zoras and I like the fact Ruto's naked."

Yellow Link went, "Desert is perfect with my tunic! I can aquafina my way through it!"

Red Link sighed. "I wanted to have a girl that I could pick up but Saria and Ruto are taken. I guess I can settle for going into volcano now that I am fire proofe because I don't want to take on the scary temple."

Purple Link jumped back. "No! I have to do the scary one then!"

Shrek nodded like a wise person. "Heroism is not always easy."

* * *

Kokiri Forest was attacked by monsters! Oh wait, it was mostly plants but still they were MEAN planets!

"No!" Shouted Green Link, but then that caused the kokiri to stare at him!

"They!" They shouted. "Why the tunics Kokiri you're a poser boy hipster!"

Then they yelled like an angry mob! Not the creepy kind in horror movies just the pissed off _Simpsons_ kind. "Hipster! Hipster! Hipster! Hipster!"

And they chased Link to the house of his house!

Mido came up with a torch. "Ever since Deku Tree guy died these monsters are attacking! Stupid Saria defending that Link! Good thing she was kidnaped by the Phantom Gannon!"

"Wait what?" Said Green Link.

"Nothing..."

* * *

Lon Ranch was taken over by the Ingo!

"You will not horse." Said Ingo.

Red Link frowned then went into barn and Malon was there working on a car.

"I want to get a horse? But I forgot to learn the song on my ocarina!"

Then Malon said. "Screw the horse and take this car instead."

The Red Link said, "Wow! You built this for me! Thanks!"

And they got into kissing position, and closed in really slow for kiss, then Volvagia broke into the stable and kidnaped Malon!

"No!" Shouted Red Link. "Oh wait, cool. I guess the Fire Temple has a girl I nedd to save after all! Yay!"

Then he got into car and drove to the mountain.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?" Shouted Ingo.

* * *

Blue Link went down to the lake and began looking around when he saw that the entrance to the Zora's was frozen. He got curious and went there. It was all frozen too! no Unicorn Fountain! Then he Ice Caverned his way into getting the Iron boots! But before that he found that it was too cold and he was on timer and needed a Cyan Tunic (by race of new people that can dwell in snow?) but then that would be fan fic for a cyan link to he didn't care and then did magic and the 5word and turned it into 6word temporarly but not the main all the swords so Cyan Link was only slightly connected with Blue Link and not so much the others! Also he didn't have his own Navi.

Blue Link parted ways with Cyan Link when they returned to Hyrule Field when Red Link drove up to them and said, "Hey another Link you can either follow this guy go to the temple everyone hates or to the cool one which ironically is very hot."

Cyan Link shrugged. "I go to Fire Temple."

And then they drove there. And Blue Link was pissed.

Blue Link got to the lake but then read a note saying "I am sorry I am kidnaped by Morpha - Ruto." And then he shook his fist and shouted. "WATER TEMPLE!" before he even entered. Meanwhile, Green Link was about to get mobbed to death by the Kokiri for thinking he's a hipster but then Red Link drove by on his new car and said, "HOPE ON!" Then they drewve to the Lost Woods and but there was a Deku Scrub not the red mad kind but the greens that can talk. Green Link got out and did the shield thing to get it out and listen to what it has to say.

"I tell you way to get through forest." Said the scrub.

"Man, you're like another Navi!" Shouted Green Link. Red Link and Cyan Link laughed.

Then Deku Scrub shook his head. "Just listen."

"HEY!" Green Navi shouted.

"What?" Asked Green Link.

"LISTEN! Did you know that if you pick up hearts, you increase your health?"

"YOU'RE USELESS!" Shouted Green Link, and he was so much anger that he threw the Navi and she landed on the scrub, and there was flashing lights coming from both of them, and suddenly the Scrub was all completely green and while and had a ghost tail instead of feet. It was Dekusprite!

DEKUSPRITE: By the way, did you know that faries can be "prototyped?" That means that if you throw something in one, the fairy becomes a "sprite" that has the characterisms of what you put in there!  
GREEN LINK: Cool!  
RED LINK: I gotta try this out later!  
CYAN LINK: Dot dot dort.

Then they went to the Forest Temple area but they needed hookshot to enter.

"This car does not work well with using the hookshot to get it." Said Red Link. "I cannot go further. Also but I could but I would rather go through my own temple now."

"Why not the three of us do Forest Temple?" Said Green Link. "Three heads are better than two."

Red Link winced. "Not if you believe in all those cartoons where with the two best friends then there's a third friend and he's a total jackass."

"THEN WHO IS JACKASS?" Green Link asked with confusion.

"Nobody that's not what I meant now let's go."

So they left and Green was alone again.

* * *

At Death Mountain crator it was revealed that Cyan Link's tunic had been keeping him warmer but it does not work to cool him down so the heat of the volcano got to him faster then the usual and he burned instantly and died. Red Link frowned at Cyan Link's death and put his corpse in his inventory. Then he drove the car around and ramped it off of that climbing wall thing and he flew like in the Dukes of Hazard (or Nepeta in _Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals_) into the Fire Temple.

"ENTRANCE TOO SMALL TO FIRE TEMPLE FROM THE VOLCANO!" Red Link complained, then he used bombs and blew it bigger.

"ENTRANCE BIGGER NOW! GOOD!"

He also blew up some text while there. It didn't seem important since there will be dungeon skipping involved anyway, but a tablet was blown off. All it said originally was "S1 Three letters back +1 = +1," and that's still what the blown up chunk said since nothing was actually destroyed.

In the Fire Temple, which in this version looked like a big race track in the cave with the track being made out of the Fire Temple archetecture Red Link saw Darunia there and he did not look happy. "Brother! I hold the boss key right now but I do not think you are worthy to defeat Volvagia. You must race me to it first."

Red Link nodded. "But can I use this car? Then it won't be fair."

"Our kind can roll stupid, of course your car is fair."

Meanwhile, Malon was hanging over the boss door in a cage. "HELP ME!" She shouted in a damsell accent. This was motivation to Red Link!

They raced and it was like Need for Speed, but then suddenly Red Link won and threw his hands up in the air and looked pride. "It is good then."

Then Volvagia broke out of the boss room and took Malon. The door to it was still broken.

Darunia shrugged and held out key. "Oh I guess you won't bee needing this after all ha ha haha ha ha!"

Red Link shook his head. "We might. Wecould use this to enter boss room in another temple. Also but to try something out here jump into this fairy. It will make you into a sprite so your sprtepowers plus Goron powers will help me in battle."

"Ok."

DARUNIASPRITE: Well this is akward.  
RED LINK: Time for the boss now!  
DARUNIASPRITE: But first I want to give a legendary thing to you. It is strong hammer.

And then Red Link used the hamer to beat the dragon and free Malon and they kissed. Malon got in the passenger seat and Red Link drove over and ramped off the broken bridge and through the cave into Goron City. But since he did not move statue he broke open the idol thing in front of it instead with his car.

DARUNIASPRITE: Hey! That was sacred I think!  
RED LINK: Too bad. Sometimes heroes have to break stuff.

And they drove up the stairs and onwards to Lake Hylia.

* * *

Blue Link had got phone call from Green Link about prototyping just before he would enter the Water Temple and was thinking what to prototype. Since he can only do a lot of his stuff above water he took off iron boots and floated to the island to thing.

"Green did a deku. Red did a goron. So patterns, I should prototype a zora! No wait that's too predictable..."

Then he reached into his pocket and got out a copy of _Conker's Bad Fur Day_ and moved his eyebrows up and down a lot. He blew into the bottom so that the dust wouldn't screw up the prototyping and prototyped the game.

CONKERSPRITE: Oh man I have a hangover.  
BLUE LINK: Cool! Can you do the Mighty Poo?  
CONKERSPRITE: Hell naw. Now, I have to find my home.  
BLUE LINK: Um... your home is kind of back in the video game. You are like in a new dimension.  
CONKERSPRITE: So I'll never gett back to my home with the Berri?  
BLUE LINK: Don't think so.  
CONKERSPRITE: No!

Red Link drove up to them.

RED LINK: Hey there!  
BLUE LINK: Red Link? Why the car? And why is there a dead Link?  
BLUE LINK: Or is it because rhyme? Red Link Dead Link lol.  
CONKERSPRITE: A-HEM. If you don't mind, I will sprite exposit on the temple.  
BLUE LINK: I'd rather figure it out myself. Now, Red Link, what you saying?  
RED LINK: I'm saying that maybe we could prototype the dead Link and it could bring him back to life but I guess you prototyped already and got that thing instead.  
RED LINK: Unless you can prototype a sprite again?  
CONKERSPRITE: You can, but I call dibs of not being prototyped again! It might kill me!  
DARUNIASPRITE: I can be the guy to prototype.  
RED LINK: Nah.  
RED LINK: Anyway Blue Link I have the boss key this should make the temple much fasters.

Then he gave the Link the key and Blue Link and Conkersprite entered.

Blue Link saw the thing in that room that raises the water level.

BLUE LINK: Hey! A Zelda's Luliby thing! I can use it!  
CONKERSPRITE: How though?  
BLUE LINK: It's context sensitive! If I play Zelda's Lulliby, then I can let me do a thing that it permits!  
CONKERSPRITE: Hey... context sensitive...  
CONKERSPRITE: Maybe I can rocket launcher the hell through this temple.

And then he floated there and got out rocket launcher and launched it. The temple soon fell down and broke appart into lots of littlebits. The path to the boss door was really clear.

"No!" Shouted Blue Link. "I cannot you Conkersprite had just destroyed the path to the boss key! But wait! I can use the boss key for the fire Temple that Red Link gave me instead! Cool!"

So then Conkersprite shot his rocket launcher and the templ was broken down and the path to the boss was clear only the boss room remained.

"IT'S TIME TO END YOU MORPHA!" Blue Link shouted as he opened the boss door and then he killed Morpha.

Then he saw Ruto. Her boobies were much bigger and she still looked naked, so instead of saying anything Blue Link just said "uh..." and trailed off.

"You don't have to speak to me!" Ruto shouted happily. "I know how you feel since I am engaged to you remember?"

CONKERSPRITE: Hot damn! First that ranch girl, now her? You Links sure have a thing with the ladies.  
BLUE LINK: Shh!  
CONKERSPRITE: I mean your women tend to have the best curves! And the-  
BLUE LINK: Shhush!

"What's the blue thing saying?" Asked Ruto. "I can't hear it. It's whispering."

Conkersprite cleared his throat.

CONKERSPRITE: Hello ma'm. My name is Conkersprite. And may I have yours?

"It's Ruto dumbass I'm a Zora princess."

CONKERPSRITE: (Royalty huh? Cha-ching! She must be loaded!)  
BLUE LINK: Shhhhuuushh!

And then Ruto ran up to Blue Link and hugged and pressed against him. To avoid the scene gettign akward he thought about non sexualized things like Martin Luther King giving spongebath to Gandhi.

And then Red Link drove by and picked them up. He said:

"I did not get call back from Green Link or Yellow Link this worries me. Let's check on Yellow Link first."

As they drove off, Dark Link crawled out of the ruins and went out the exit of the temple. His home was destroyed so he was mad.

* * *

In Gerudo, Yellow Link had been trying to escape the misanderist Gerudo who were not feminists because there is a difference. Depending on definition by what the hell people call themselves. So he was Solid Snaking around when one of the guards spot him.

"Stop!" Shouted the guard to spot him. "I put you under arrest!"

Then Yellow Link said "Nah" and hit her with sword He meant to only knock her out but he accidentally chopped her head off.

"Ooops." Said Yellow Link.

"KILLER!" The other guards shouted. And then even the fighting guards with the arm blade thingys came out. "YOU ARE NOW GERUDO'S MOST WANTED."

Then Yellow Link remembered the offscreen phone call about prototyping. He set a Faroroe's wind in case this idea didn't work and he did this with the restricted items glitch. He then threw the Gerudo - the dead one - into his Navi.

GERUDOSPRITE: Hey cool, I'm alive again.

And then the guards called off search because there was still an alive one.

"Hey you saved a life. Now you get to be a Gerudo too." Shouted a guard and she gave him the token.

Yellow Link used this token to enter the opening to the desert, but before he could enter the desert he heart the guard at the tower shout: "HEY! I SEE A CAR GOING HERE! IT'S A PRIUS SO _**SHE**_ IS A WOMEN DRIVER!"

Car drove up, and it was Red Link! A guy!

RED LINK: Nice sprite- aw hell you prototyped that one too now all I have left is Purple Link's Navi and they at the Shadow Temple which is scary.  
BLUE LINK: Can't you prototype twice?  
RED LINK: Good idea.  
GERUDOSPRITE: Wait, no!

Then Red Link got out the dead Cyan Link and prototyped it. Because the Gerudo was a women and since Link, Cyan Link or now Linksprite looked the same as Link only as a sprite and a women.

"I can help you through desert." Said Red Link.

"But it is easy to get lost?" Said Yellow Link.

"No problem. This car has GPS. It also has AC to keep us cool."

And then they all GPSed to the Spirit Temple.

"Hey wait a minute..." said one of the Gerudo. "If they overprototyped the Gerudo... THAT MEANS SHE DIED AGAIN! Son of a f-word!"

"But it was Red Link whodunnit." Said another.

"Okay since all Links look alike we must go forth and try to kill them all in case they change clothes colors."

"But how will he get to the Spirit Temple?"

The guard narrowed her eyes. "Walking."

* * *

A little bit into the past Purple Link heard that the Shadow Temple was scary and he set Farore's Wind up in case he wanted to use his courage powers to run away. He then hookshoted (hook not long since I needed this edit to make this plot possible) across the opening pit and saw a painting.

"Um... is this it? Must I have to jump down pit?" Then the painting was scaring him so he got out a marker and thought if he drew a mustache or a penis on it then it would be less scary.. But his arm went through it!

This scared the shit out of Purple Link. He ran through the temple blindly screaming and flailing his arms around like an idiot. But he was not idiot enough to forget to use the Eye of Truth after that encounter deal with the starting painting like Homer Simpson would! He went through the temple calming down a little but still unsettled. There were zombies! and mummies that were pallete swaps of the zombies! And bones! And giant hands that send you to the beginning of the dungeon! And other giant hands that turned invisible! And Like Likes... whatever those are.

"THIS IS MUCH TOO SCARY FOR A LINK LIKE ME!" Purple Link yelled, even though his tunic was immune to ghosts. He thought he could calm down when he entered this room at the end of a long hallway that was close to the entrance, but what he found was another room full of more skeletons. And a girl with five arms!

"GAH!" Purple Link said because the five armed girl looked kind of creepy. She was all black and white and had some liquid from the mouth and one eye, and some kind of vortex thing in her stomach. "THIS TEMPLE IS TOO MUCH SILENT HILL!"

And he used Farore's Wind to get the hell out of there. However there was a problem with Farore. You see, only one Farore's Wind can be out at a time. This is kept in line because there is normally only one Link, and the way to make is mapped with the button to teleport with it. And usually if one Link makes a warp point and another tries a while after that, they could just get teleported. However, back when Yellow Link made his warp point, Purple Link had his generated at around the same time. The magic does not count making the point as the point having being made so it allowed Purple Link to make the warp point. and the points were already being made the function to imput them was... okay so bottom line **THRERE WAS TWO WARP POINTS!** The magic had no idea which one to send Link to so it decided screw the warp points and sent Purple Link into another world because that's what it does when the Magic God is confused: _Super Mario 64_. (PS this is an allegory for a game failsafing and in fact that's what this originally was. When an N64 game freezes take out the cartrage and put in SM64 because the freezing is an indication that you can play Mario with those characterss - actually no it doesn't I just made that up.)

The girl with five arms looked at the Purple Link teleporting away and shrugged.

"I just wanted to sell some choclate."

* * *

Purple Link appeared in Bob Bomb Battlefield and the three Pink Bombs were at war with the Thirty Gallillion Black Bombs.

"We are losing this war!" Shouted the friednly bombs, the pink ones because the good guys are always the ones there are less of to make for more drama.

Suddenly, Mario!

Suddenly, Purple Link appeared! He had no idea about landscaping. "NOW WHAT IS GOING ON I AM NOT SCARED ANYMORE JUST CONFUSED!"

"Bowser." Said Mario.

"Okay let's fight him."

And then they spent a long time getting stars until they had eight, then Bowser in the Darkworld, and they fought him and Mario got him to blow up.

"Mama mia!" Shouted Bowser. "I am close to death! But I dare you to go to bottom of castle for rematch!"

Then Purple Link felt sorry about Bowser almost dying and decided to have his Navi prototype him and then Bowsersprite. Because Bowser was so huge however the sprite was also big.

BOWSERSPRITE: I can now teleport you back to your homeworld because I have sprite powers! Thanks for saving me... SUCKER! MWAH HA HA!

Then he made purple vrotex, and Purple Link jumped into it, and Bowsersprite jumped into it, and Mario did too. They ended up back in the Shadow Temple, but Bowsersprite was too big for the opening room so he had to teleport along the rooms a lot. With the help of Mario, Purple Link made it to the boss room and killed Bongo Bongo and saved Impa.

"Oh right I forgot about you." Said Purple Link.

Then they made out!

* * *

The Spirit Temple was the one everyone liked I guess. But the Links could not go on further as they had to either go back to the past or go future but with Gunlets.

BLUE LINK: Conkersprite, do you have any ideas?  
CONKERSPRITE: No. Not without a context sensitive pad, that is.  
LINKSPRITE: I could float through the walls and finish the kid portion for you guys by getting you the gauntlers.  
YELLOW LINK: That's not cheating?  
LINKSPRITE: No because it is preventing an unwinnable since you cannot back in time yourself.  
LINKSPRITE: We sprites are told it's only cheating if we do that parts you can do on your own  
LINKSPRITE: That is all about heroism

Then he went and got the gauntlets for the Yellow Link. Red Link and Blue Link strafed with him and because there were three Links and three sprites helping out they quickly made it to the final boss area after getting the mirror shield and defeated Twinrova and Yellow Link got kiss from Naborru.

They left the temple and saw Gerudo writting parking ticket! Three more were sitting in the other seats of the car.

"Hey that's not a very nice thing either!" Shouted Red Link because he was the hot tempered one.

"Yeah well youre not parked on street so we're gonna have to confiscate this."

And then they got in and drove off. But Blue Link realized something being the smart one:

"There arent even streets in Hyrule so there's no sense in laws to not drive or park on them! The Gerudo were just being jerks!"

"Actually no we kind of were because that was a sweet ride but we also wanted to kill you to murder."

The Links and sprites looked up at the source of the voice. It was a Gerudo standing on the hand that was holding the gauntlets! And more Gerudo were on the statue!

"Let's get back in the temple!" Blue Link shouted. "Because I saw lots of context sensitive thinks Conkersprite can use!"

And so they retreated using the shortcut that gets to the room close by the boss, and Conkersprite floated to the Hyrule Triforce on the palm of the inside statue's hand and got out that TNT from the Hungover chapter. And blew the statue to bits!

RED LINK: Well dumb dumb what good did THAT do?  
CONKERSPRITE: Argh! The contexts must be for the temples only, and not for running away! I have to... control it, maybe? If you can you could get some cool power.  
DARUNIASPRITE: I think the statue may or may not be sacred to the Gerudo and-  
LINKSPRITE: Lol is sacred stuff all you can ever talk about?

And then the the Links (not counting Linksprite) shook their heads because it is out of character for a sprite to say crap like that. Or a link. Double for Link-sprites.

Suddeenly, they were surrounded by Gerudo!

YELLOW LINK: Shit! We're surrounded!  
BLUE LINK: Sprites, can you do anything?  
DARUNIASPRITE: No! We did too much crap for you! Figure this out on your own!  
DARUNIASPRITE: Afterall, a honor sprite should not play around.  
DARUNIASPRITE: That goes for you, Linksprite, too!  
LINKSPRITE: Hey no...

But then a flash of purple, and Purple Link and Mario and Bowsersprite appeared in ther room! Bowsersprite was huge and an unexplained phenominon so the Gerudo for now retreated.

BOWSERSPRITE: But I am not an honor sprite! So let's get this show on the road now!  
BOWSERSPRITE: I'll teleport you right to Ganon's castle!

Big flash, and suddenly, the four of five Links, the sprites, Mario, Malon, Ruto, Impa, and Nabooru were all Star Trecked' into the front! But meanwhile, one Gerudo stuck around... and said... "Hm Ganon's castle we know where that is we'll findit."

* * *

Gren Link found Saria!

"Oh ew, you're still a kid..." He said.

"I have a crush on you so I would like it if you still liked me that way!" Said Saria.

"Nah. This ship is sunk like Duncan and Courtney on Total Drama."

Saria sighed. "You're STILL not over that? FFS it's been seven years..."

GREEN LINK: No!  
GREEN LINK: So trusty sprite, what's next?  
DEKUSPRITE: Get to the castle now I htink your other selves are done.  
GREEN LINK: How cool way of transportation should I use to get there?  
DEKUSPRITE: Walking.  
GREEN LINK: ...Is that it?  
DEKUSPRITE: I'm not going to fly or teleport you there.  
GREEN LINK: :(

* * *

With all of the curses lifted and all of the Links and Madens and Sprites there including Mario, they were ready for action.

LINKSPRITE: We cannot go on further because the dark energy is keeping us out. This is appropriate as you should do the battling yourself.  
GREEN LINK: Okay. And girls, you should stay back too. You've already been kidnapped once.

And then they all did an angry emote.

Saria, Malon, Ruto, Nabooru, Impa, and Shrek (who turned back into Zelda) made a bridge with their sage powers! The five Links were on their way!

SUDDENLY THE GERUDO CAME ON THEIR CAR, and ninja leaped off, and started schimaring (or whatever their weapons are called) the sprites to death! Then they glared at the sages.

"It's okay," Said Babooru, "I am their second in command if I remember right. Ahem. OTHER GERUDO. DON'T KILL US! We're not affiliated with the Links. BUT ON A TANGENT THEY'RE GOOD GUYS!"

They nodded and said, "Ok."

"EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE!" She shouted, pointing at Dark Link! Who ran into the dungeon!

"I cannot believe this tragety." Saria said, "My friends are in there and they blew us off like an air conditioner!"

"Huh?" Asked... oh what the heck, everyone. It was a crappy metaphor.

"Get it blow?"

Then she ran in and the other sages followed. One of the Gerudo guards said, "HEY WE WILL STAY OUTSIDE AND WATCH FOR WHEN OTHERS COME LIKE THAT SHADOW LINK JUST DID!"

Inside the castle section of the tower, the Links each did the barrier of their element. Then they all decided to go for the light barrier together, then united just in time for the light arrows (Zelda gave them that when she revealed herself as Sheik) to destroy it.

Suddenly Ganondorf appeared behind all of them! He was holding a ring!

"What are you gonna do, marry us?" Purple Link joked since he's the jokester.

"You have still been activating my traps." Ganondorf said. "First, collecting the legendary 5word would just put you to sleep so I may take over this place. Second, prototyping. You see, the Great Deku Tree is connected to fairies in a way. This ring is what happens since I found the plank of wood that GDT has tied to Navi's life, which also includes prototyping information. And since Navi's split into five that means five more things to prototype... heh heh heh..."

He put the ring on, and it was awful! "Mama mia!" Mario shouted and then ran back to the entrance! Ganondorf grew a bunch of leaf things, and he got big rock muscles, and he started turning into a squirrel furry, and he got a turtle shell with spikes and a big mouth thing, and finally the Gerudo-Link prototyping... GAVE HIM BOOBS LIKE BOWLETTA!

* * *

"Hmm..." Impa said, putting a hand on the big white barrier. "Yep. This is some strong magic alright. Hm?"

She said "Hm?" Because they heard Mario running his ass off to the bridge!

"Guys! Guys! There's a thing going on! Ganondorf is now a furry!"

"I KNEW IT." Ruto glared. "Nothing good comes from furries."

"Ahem." Said Nabooru. "You're part fish."

"It's okay if we're fish because fish don't have fur."

Then the white barrier vanished, and so the Sages decided to run to the yellow Light room, since that just dimmed.

Inside, they found the Links fighting Ganondorf! But it was no use! He simply used his Bowser breath to knock them all down, just in time for Dark Link to spawn a cage around them!

"A HA HA HA HA!" Ganondorf shouted, "Kidnaping sages is one option, but why settle for that when you can just do this other thing instead and capture the guy who used to RESCUE them? If you can kidnap the sages anyway later then there is nothing to worry about!"

He turned around, and "if you want to save them COME TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER SECTION OF THE CASTLE!"

Then he teleported away, and so did Dark Link, and so did the cage (with the colorful Links still in it obviously it would be pretty stupid and they would be let go).

After fighting a lot of things including Stalfos the Sages and Mario got up to the main castle. They glared down the bad guy Griffindor.

"NOW WE FIGHT!" Shouted Saria, who I guess is their leader.

But then, Mario jumped at Ganondorf from all the Bowser elements and tried to fight him, but got Goron-punched into the ground! To show things are serious, Mario was dead as he was squashed into a pulp!

Green Link got an angry face, and then the five Links held their swords up, and they started glowing.

"Power of the 5word." Green Link said, "Give me the same magic used to make the late Cyan Link, and make EVEN MORE LINKS!"

It dind't do what they wanted it to do. All it did was fire beams of their tunic colors at Ganondorf, and he exploded and so did the room this took place in so it was like the rooftop area after the Ganondorf fight. The ring fell down, inactive. Suddenly the castle started rubbling.

"OH NO IT'S GOING TO COLLAPSE BECAUSE GANON'S MAGIC WAS THE ONE HOLDING IT UP ALL ALONG!" Zelda cried. Luckily the cage exploded too.

"BUT DARK LINK-" Green Link shouted as DL ran off.

"We must worry about him another game."

Then the ten of them ran down the castle and made it outdside as it explodded. BUT IT WASN'T OVER YET! There was a sound from the rubble.

"It could be Dark Link." Blue Link said using his strategy skills, "I must go there and try to finish his story before it can start in the form of a new game maybe named Zelda II: A Link to the Past."

The five Links ran there, AND DARK LINK POPPED OUT OF THE RUBBLE! He was angryu and floating, and he held up the ring, and put it on! He got the same transformational things as Ganondorf did, but then pulled out the blades that the Gerudo prototyping gave him, and cut all of the Links in half!

"Ganon was an idiot." Dark Link said, using his Gerudo-speed to quickly paint a triforce out of blood (pf the dead links) before the Sages could run up to him and stop him. "But now I know the full potential of the things that I was given. AND THAT INCLUDES THE 5WORD/6WORD, SINCE THAT'S WHAT CYAN LINK'S PROTOTYPING GAVE ME!"

And then he lifted his sword up and then there was five of him! Not six because that would be overpowered even though it was the 6word that gave him that in the first place. And anyway the five of them all used the bloody Triforce symbol to unleash a context sensitive FPS! And then the screen went to his POV, and it was like _Callof Duty._

"HA HA HA! I have stolen one of Conker's guns! And no matter what you throw at me, I will counter it because that's what Context Sensitive means! Not something sexual, _**just what I need AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME!**_ Clever!"

He started shoooting a lot and there was thunder and lightning and also rain because rain makes things look cool. Anyway the girls all ran behind one of the pieces of rubble just for another Dark Link (um the main one is Green Dark Link wait that doesn't make no sense since it should be Dark Green but just saying Dark Color is kind of lame so... Forest Link, Blood Red Link, Midnight Blue Link, Indigo Link, and Dark Yellow Link?), which is Blood Red Link, to crush it down.

"No where to hide!"

But this was part of plan! Since he was not in the context sensitive area he could not draw anything that would help him, so Malon whistled and got Epona to headbutt him in the groin! It's appropriate because she's the red one so she takes down her patron Link's Dark. Then she ran over and did a combo move, ending with her getting a lasso out and tieing him like he was a cow.

"You are lucky I do not ranch plantrock squirrelkoopa-people, or else I would know how to castrate you. Which raises the question, what kind of genetals do you have?"

Then she was socked by Midnight Blue Link! Meanwhile Forest Link tried to experiment with the context sensitive but instead of giving him another gun like he wanted it gave him a Goku wig. He looked at it and nodded.

"I understand. I must use this power to generate a Spirit Bomb." He put on the wig and stuck his hands up. "EVIL PEOPLE OF THE EARTH! GIVE ME YOUR EVIL SOUL KI STUFF SO I CAN BLOW THINGS UP!"

And then a evil spirit bomb was forming. You knew it was evil because instead of white with a cyan outline, IT WAS BLACK WITH A RED OUTLINE AS THOUGH SOMEONE WAS MUCKING AROUND WITH THE "INVERT COLORS" FROM MS PANIT!

As the Evil Spirit Bomb charged up, Ruto glared down at Midnight Blue Link to fight. Which he did, by using his Gerudo moves to knock her off of the floating platform (AN hey if Ganon's magic was what made the castle fall and he was using the last of it then how is that chunk of rock floating between his falling/fake death and when he turned from Ganondorf to Ganon?) and jumped after her in a ninja jump, then tried to tackle her onto the lava below.

Unfortunately for the bad guys but fortunately for the good guys all the rain not only put out the lava (that pink stuff IS lava right?) so that now people can go near it, but it formed some water so that instead of falling to death you land into it. Anyway they were both plunged to the depths of the waters of the pool new Lake Hylia yet at the same time old Castle Hyrule. He made several diving-like attacks, but she ended up reflecting them off and eventually used the fin boomerangs. One hit, the other was dodged.

"HA HA!" Shouted Midnight Blue Link, "You boomerang does not work as well as mine- CRAP!"

He shouted that because it was too small of a chilld weapon for him to use. So Ruto kicked him up and he ended up in the air then got knocked back on the arena via Zora Boomerang and landed on Maroon Link just before he could get up. Zelda who did not like people playing hooky (remember that Spongebob episode with the penis), teleported Ruto over there and she pouted at that.

Next it was Indigo Link's turn! He got into his shell and whirled around like Bowser did in SSBM but not SSBB because I think that attack was nerfed. Impa jumped around from her Shekia training, but at the same time Indigo Link had Gerudo training. It seemed like a stalemate on Indigo Link's side thanks to also Goron except that Impa was at an advantage since Indigo Link was a drunk (Conker), a bush (Deku), and a fatass (Bowser). So even though Indigo Link ended up clawing her, Impa still broke out, and threw a Deku Nut at him.

"NOOOO! CYAN LINK OR LINKSPRITE THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS USELESS! I MAY HAVE KNOWN BETTER BUT WHY DIDN'T I PACK THOSE?" He shouted while he was too frozen too move. Um... he did it telepathecially, because that's what Deku can do as part of their Deku Tree.

Since they were jumping a lot, they were in the air at the time, so Impa kicked him in the boobs and that hurt a lot more than it would if he didn't have them, and he was added to the pile.

"NOT OVER YET!" Dark Yellow Link shouted, and he got out those blade things. So Nabooru knew what this meant... AN EPIC BLADE BATTLE!

That was ruined when Zelda ran around shouting "TEAMWORK!" and stabbed him in the leg with a sword. What a jerk, ruining a cool fight like that!

But at least part of the fight could go on, since Dark Yellow Link kicked Zelda off to the side, so Nabooru ran towards him and they clashed around like Star Wars. But also like Star Wars:

"Did they tell you about your father?" Dark Yellow Link asked.

"Yes. They told me **NO FUCKING STAR WARS!**"

And then she stabbed him in the gut, and lifted him and tossed him towards the pile.

**"FINISHING MOVE!"** Saria cried, "I summon thee... Fairies!"

"We are not at risk of dying right now, the world is and that's more important!" Zelda cried as pink fairies started flying in, "Pick something more useful1"

"That was what I wanted! I meant to say... GREAT Fairies!"

And then they appeared in a pattern of six from the same distance, which formed a sextagon! Not in that way perverts. To tell them apart, they had different hair like Majora's Mask. And the sixth one could have purple hair, since that isn't taken. They were helping Saria gather together a light spirit bomb, with the proper colors. And since there were seven of them, it was faster than Forest Link's.

"FINISHING MOVE again!" She yelled, "DOUBLE-SPIRIT BOMB CLASH!"

And because to show that the world is both half good and half evil, the two spirit bobms were about the same size. They clashed into eachother, and it generated a huge shockwave that also took down what remainined of the castle town (I hated that place in the game the stealth sequence was stupid I'd rather play an MGS if I wanted to stealth) And the colors intermixed with eachother and it looked cool. Zelda finally got enough wisdom to snap her fingers and come up with an idea.

"EVERYBODY! WE MUST USE OUR SAGE POWERS TOGETHER!" She cried. "SADLY THAT INCLUDES YOU SARIA!"

So she teleported Saria to them, and all the sages gathered together and formed symbols, and then... A COLORFUL BRIDGE CAME HIGH ABOVE FOREST LINK!

"Ha! That's it! You played chicken, so that my Spirit Bomb can destroy your's as it has no support, just to make a preetty little brdige.? Is that all sages can do?"

"It's all they need to do." Zelda smirked.

Then the bridge fell on him, and knocked him out, and he fell on the pile of other Dark Links. Now the sages warped all back to their good Spirit Bomb, and they made it extra strength to get rid of the Dark Link's. Who all woke up just in time to see the Light Spirit Bomb falling to them.

The bomb destroyed the floating land thing, and then the team dispersed it, and Zelda teleported them all back to the ledge. They were all heroes.

"Say," said Zelda, "Yo should have called Great Fariest faster."

"HaHaha!" Saria laughed.

"That is no joke. If you did that, we wouold have more people in here alive. I'm afraid I may have to fire you from being a Sage."

":("

"I'm kidding about the firing part since it's not up to me, it's up to Din, Naru, and Farore."

"Well I think that no matter what the issue is, as long as we get enough Links to win, we can! Because the moral of the story, is to always have more Links."

And then the townspeople from all parts of the game ran up towards them, and the Triforce came to say "I am roud," and seeing that the evil Ganon castle is gone, they cheered. Victory has won, but will it be for long? And what if other timelines?

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Whew! Did I spend a span of time on this! But I can assure that future installments, becides the "first three," (this, _Dream House_, and _Gym Class_) won't be as long, and even then, as I said in the opening AN, this will probably be the longest of them for a while. Mostly because I didn't expect this to be so lengthy. I'm never good at planning out how much a _SBIG_ chapter should go on, so as a result there are several parts where I think something along the lines of, "Hey, shouldn't there be a final confrontation? It sure doesn't feel like it..." and "I don't know, I feel like this scene could use a little more to it." The latter applies for the ending. After Dark Link's kill. It really feels like there needs to be a bit more to it...

Yes, that comment about the warp failure originally being the "game" failsafing was true about this. But then I stopped liking such blatant and plot-relevant fourth-wall breaks in that manner.

Next up: **Dream House**. A big crossover between _House_, _Yume Nikki_, _Inception_, and _Mythbusters_ as characters of the latter three go into House's dream to help him remember the cure to a patient he forgot!


	2. Dream House

**SBIGlets**

**Chapter 2: Dream House**

**Beginning AN:**

_This is primarly a fic of: Inception, Mythbusters, House MD, and Yume Nikki._ Admitedly my knowledge on the third one is somewhat low but... I got the gist of it. Saw a few episodes. Not like it matters when you're doing intentionally badly written fics.

* * *

One day, Aradia Megido from Homestuck (hey I got one chapter without bringing it up that's enough right? Or did the Navi prototype thing... aw screw it) was in her house thing when she suddenly passed out and then woke up. She knew what to do when people start blacking out and falling! So she called House MD. However, House was a jerk sometimes.

"hello my name is Aradia and I want to be a patient to you." She said calmly.

"How do I know your falling isn't just drunk?" House said on the other line.

"Well..."

"Ha!" shouted House being his usual self. "You don't have any proofe!"

Then she blacked out again.

* * *

Later House rushed her to the Hospital and did tests and was about to diagnose it and surprisingly he got it right on his first try.

"Well that's a first." House lampshaded.

"So give me the news straight." Said Aradia who was now laying down on hospital bed and having IV. (Don't worry she's just overreacting.) "Am I find?"

"Well as long as you don't take a year to cure it. You see, you have-" Then House slipped and fell upside down and hit his head!

When he came to, his concious had forgotten the diagnosis and how to cure it!

"No, no!" Then he whipped out cell phone. "Dom Cobb I need experts! I have forgotten something because of amnesia but however you can't truley forget something so while my concious forgets my subconcious does not! I want you to enter my dream and set off something to spark that info and then I would get something like a self-extraction from it! Bring Eames and Aurthur and Adeleine and Fischer and all those other guys!"

"Fisher was the guy we tried to incept in the movie Inception idiot." Said Dom Cobb over the phone.

"I don't care! This is important! You have to be here in... um Aradia what was the time I said before I got my head hit?"

"A year." Said Aradia.

"NOW GO GO GO!"

and then the door was kicked down by Dom Cobb.

"Where's your team?" Said House as Cobb was by himnself.

"I ditched them. They were a group of wussies. Meet my new team instead: Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters to test out dream physics and myths. They are also kind of a something of red shirts but not really since there's no threat in dying. Finally there's Madotsuki who can effect herself into forms known as effects."

"Well that's great. Two pyromaniacs and a knife person going into my dreams." House snarked.

Cobb looked at him seriously. "Thin k of six numbers."

"413612"

Cobb slapped him. "THAT'S JUST HOMESTUCK YOU IDIOT TRY AGAIN."

"Fine then. 940522."**(A)**

"Okay. Now we dream in Jamie's dream."

* * *

Level one was a racetrack. Adam and Jamie were racing togehter in strong and fast Mythbusters car. In second place was Madotsuki in her bike effect. Third was Com Dobb in his regular racecar but it was a terrible racecar so it was slow. House was watching on the seat thingies and has otherwise audience. Aradia was also there but she wasn't in the inception like the others (or was she?) but simply in the crounds on a wheelchair with an IV attatched.

"You have a simple brain tumor. It's easy to remove. No problems." Said House.

Homer Simpson was killing Maude Flanders by accidenting her to death here; a reference to Simpsons. But unlike Simpsons Homer died too when he jumped off after Maude to save her. Their corpses had been fused together and they came back as zombie. This zombie jumped up on the benches and started scaring people but HOUSE WAS NOT SCARED.

House stood up and got out his cain and began swinging it around like a badass. "That doesn't scare me," said House, "Because I know that it is not a real thing! Zombies are not real, therefor this is just a dream and I cannot have time to fool this. All I have to do is wake up."

He pinched himself, but it didn't work.

On the race track, Mado stopped Dom Cobb stopped too behind her.

"Wait." Said Madotsuki. "I think House knows he's dreaming."

"I MUST BE SEDATED THEN!" House shouted when he figured out why he wasn't waking up. "SO THUS EITHER I WAS OUT DRINKING OR I AM BEING INCEPTRED NOW!"

Madotsuki used the eyehand effect to teleport to House's side. "Do you remember the diagnosis and the cure then?" She asked.

"Yeah it's... OH NO I FORGOT AS SOON AS I REALIZED THAT IT WAS A DREAM!"

Madotsuki said this like a goth, "Then we must dream more."

Then a train tore through the bench area near him!

"Sorry" said Cobb as he walked up.. "That is a recurring element in my dream. Trains."

Madotsuki nodded. "I used to dream a same recurring dream a lot only that that was because of an Aztec curse. The damn rug it turns out was cursing me, locking me into my room and filling me with disturbing thoughts. So I ditched it and that was the good ending."

The train opened, and there was a lot of steam from the door for some reason like there always is in the movies. There were three people stepping out. One was a tall man with no mouth and odd eyes, and he had middle length hair and was monochrome. The second was a smirking monochrome girl with long hair. The third was a naked hot looking fat man.

"Who are these three?" House said, raising an eyebrow.

"People I knew." Madotsuki said, turning into knife. "That's Masada, Monoe, and... oh sorry I have a fetish for fat men ignore him."

She knived the naked guy.

"Don't mess with projections!" Cobb warned.

And then the audience members had turned their eyes purple. They went from normal projections to trained projections! They got out lots of guns and the people knew they had to run because Limbo can drive a someone crazy. They ran into the train and so did Seccom Masada who moonwalked in like a pro and Monoe teleported in.

"Yo bitch!" Said the latter. "Mothafuck we ain't got talkin' yet! Wassup girl, haven't seen you in a while!"

"Now's not the time! Gosh!" Madotsuki shouted.

Then Mal Cobb was in the next caR!

"Dammit!" Shouted Cobb. "I thought I took care of you!"

Mal shrugged "I guess you didn't!"

"Bitch you ain't got nothin' on me." Said Monoe. "I have screwed up countless missions. Teleport people into pits of sharks, lava, spikes... you name it. Any deth, I could cause it. And who the Godfuck are you? Just some evil angry ex-wife? Oh my god hahaha that's so cliche and _lame_-"

"SHUT IT." Said Mal. "I the villain now!"

Cobb got on his knnees and put his hands up to head in panic. "IF ONLY I STILL HAD EAMES WITH ME! Wait! Maybe I can ream conjure him!"

House snarked, "Heh. Good luck. You must be a _really_ good lucid dreamer if you can conjure people."

"It's not that hard." Said Madotsuki.

Then, an explosion was on the roof of the train and it knocked Mal down! Adam and Jamie jumped down from the hole exploded in the train. Jamie was hollding RPG.

"Who needs a conartist when you can have EXPERTS?" They both shouted.

"No time to brag like badass!" Cobb said as the train began shaking as the projections were shaking it to get in because Cobb locked it. "We must run to the front car, kill the driver, then Adam, you drive off and keep this dream level stable while we dream more to get the answer!"

"He found out?" Adam asked with energy.

"Yes. Sadly whenever House finds out that he's dreaming he forgets the diagnosis."

Then they ran through. Luckily the train went so that the front was out in the racecar track and not in the stands so the projections had to walk a lot to get there. Unluckily there was a projection racecars (what you thought it was onloy the dreamers who were racing?) so that it made it slightly more risky. Thankfully the stands projections didn't tell the car proejections about this so they were okay.

Mal got up and chased them, and shot a lot, but eventually they made it to the front. The four except Jamie went to sleep (they forgot the original plan and got the two Mythbusters mixed up) and Masade and Monoe were standing by Jamie as well, critizising his driving skills when he detached the front car of the train.

"The myth is: Can you drive a train like a car?"

"Hell naw." Said Monoe.

Of course you can if it's a dream! So it went just fine as Jamie drove through the dreamscape and see what he cound find there.

**Myth Conformed!**

* * *

Level two in Adam's dreams was a tall building out in the middle of the sky stretching down into a foggy sky. It was hard to see the bottom.

A few stories down House was patienting Aradia, with crutches and an IV. Behind him, Tory Grant and Kari were blwoing things up.

"Okay I have the diagnosis." Said House. "It is a brain tumor, but you caught it early, so it's easy to remove. You'll be find soon."

At the top of the building, the three dream inceptors faded in like in photoshoip effects.

Monoe teleported into this dream too because she is a colossal dick like that.

"Mothafucka don't try to warp away from me. I'll haunt you even in yo dreams hommie."

Cobb gave her an annoyed look. "By the way the only way to screw up this mission is by telling House that this is a dream. Or making him think that this is a dream."

And then Dom saw that there was no elevator, so he dreamed up a gun and shot a little bit in the floor, but that only did damage to bullet hole.s

"Dream harder!" Said Adam and he dreamed up a rocket launcher and that blew a hole in. Dom now felt like an idot and he really missed his old team especially Aurthur.

He and Adam and Madotsuki jumped down into the higherest floor that wasn't the roof but then a blonde girl jumped right by the hole when they left and looked down with an evil grin.

"Hoo da hell are you?" Monoe asked.

"A bad guy."

And then the blone girl jumped down as well. Monoe stood there and laughed.

The blonde girl had met with the House and stared down at him.

"What the hell do you want?" House asked with integrety.

"You to die." She said.

Then Madotsuki came runnin' in the room shouting! "House no you are in great dagger! She is a phantom girl named Poniko that ccan kill your!"

House put hand to chin, "Hm phantom. am I dreaming?"

"No!" Madotsuki grabbed him by shoulders, "But it is very important for you to tell me what diagnosis Aradia has!"

"She has a brai- a brai... I'm sorry but this _is_ a dream so now that I remember what's going on in the real world I remembered to forgett the diagnosis."

Cobb ran to Aradia and decided to ask her instead.

"Aradia! What was the diagnosis he told you assuming he told you?"

"I know as much as the dreamers do and right now I forgot with him."

"Shitty!" Cobb said in a way that was over dramatic because Leonardo Cecaprio was being too overacting for the scene.

Poniko cleared her throad and starrted laughing. "I will now make this into a living hell."

And then the walls were darking, and the building did a cool folding over part so that the top portion made 90 degree angles with eachother into a square! Monoe survived because the gravity was whatever direction would be "down" inside the building and changes when you walk through an edge in or outside of the building but not if you like jump out a window or something then gravity stays in the same direction it was.

"Ooh a scary hell..." House said with great sarcasm powers, "You screwed with cgravity! Scary!"

Poniko scowled "YOU DO NOT YET KNOW TO WHICH THE AMOUNT OF POWER I HAVE!"

Cobb dreamed up a gun and shot at her, but then it turns out her blood was black and white and not like the grayscale thing it was literally a mix of black and white but the colors did not mix into gray! It moved around shortly after being shot and quickly Poniko turned into a black and whte face!

"I am now Uboa."

Then the room's settings got scarrier! House wa not scared!

"Ooh you're doing a stupid Disney halloween park haunted house thingy"

"THIS IS NOT DISNEY SHIT." Poniko/Uboa shouted.

"Yes it is in fact I think that painting over there looks like Mickey Mouse."

"D: you try to pwn me... YO'LL REGRET IT!"

"Ooh whatcha gonna do, send us to this dumb 'limbo?' Once you get a taste you wouldn't want to leave ooh I'm so scared..."

"Anyway House," Said Madotsuki, "Let's dream you more. We need a new level to get the stuff. Adam, this is your dream, again if you go to sleep then this level will crumble and shit would get weird, so you are the one who stays awake this time while Jamie is staing awake in the level above."

Adam nodded. "GOt it!" And got guns out that was also an RPG but not roly playing game instead a rocket propelled granade! And shot it at Ponikuboa and Uboa screamed like those things from Alien!

"Confirmed! You can attack a cthulhu thing! Didja get that?"

But Madotsuki, House, and Cobb were already sleeping!

* * *

Back in level one, the area outside the track was a simple forest. Jamie cracked open a bear and drank it as he looked.

"This is actually kinda peaseful..."

Then suddenly, the cops because he was drunk dirving! They were projections!

"Pull over..." He (one of the cops) said "have you been drinking- wait..."

"Whose that sleeping in the behind you? OH GOD IT'S THE INVADERS SORRY MISR HYNEMAN, WE'LL GET THEM FOR YOU!"

"No need, projections!"

"MAKE THAT TRAINED PROJECTIONS NOW!" The cop (who was a she by the way you sexist for thinking otherwise) got out a gun and held it out the window and aimed.

"Oh God..." Said Jamie.

But suddenly, dark auroa was envying from Adam, scaring off the trained projections! It was Uboa, who was giving demonic chants!

"Oh... it's you... the demonic dream-invading spirit Uboa." Jamie said flatly. "I'll kill you. Demon."

"You can try," Said Uboa in a deep warped voice, "But you can't stop me. I am almost invincible and omnipotent in dreams. Also, in rea life I'm kinda strong too."

Jamie just dreamed up a tank and fired it at Uboa, but Uboa she just made the gang float up and locked them in a dark red bubble with a laughing Uboa face on it.

"Dang it Poniko." He said, then to exposit to the readers, "Oh well. Using a totem it's possible to exercise her from the dream, and from there, I can just defeat her with holy magic that we luckily packed with us. Also sorry that she's not targetting House just us she does this a lot and I know House will be pissed that we brought our mortal enemy into this who could kill him."

So he dreamed a chainsaw and sawed down a tree and was about to use the wood to make a bow to fire his totem when he just said "Wait a minute I can just dream up a bow." And did that and then some projection looked at the tree he cut down and cried at it and it was a powerful message about the environment.

* * *

The next level was Madotsuki's dream which was all about _Earthbound_ and sorry but I'm like the only person on the planet who hasn't played it so most of my information is from _Smash Bros_.

So they were in Fourside (not Foursome that was _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_, not this), the night city that had a chance of turning into Moonside when the moon was full.

Cobb looked around and he was getting mad again. "We can't find House!"

Madotsuki said "Okay, we'll look here" And used the bike effect, but Cobb sighed and went "Let's dream bigger." But Madotsuki said. "Sorry most of the time I prefer a comfort zone and dreaming smaller."

Cobb dreamed up a train and so it was like a literal train of thought they flew through the dreamscape and watched as it flashed back and fourth from Fourside and Moonside, then they found House in an apartment building with his arms crossed and he said "You're late. I already figured out it was a dream because of the changes from Fourside to Moonside. Get better at your jobs."

"Yeah. And how much did you pay us for this again? I'm starting to think it's not even worth it." Said Cobb.

"Five billion dollars. I'm rich because I'm a doctor. I can afford the assistance to make a cure."

"Holy shit that's actually a really good deal."

Becides House was Aradia, sitting in a bed and with an arm-sling but otherwise looking fine.

"Just one more level... then we may need to pull the complicated shit if that fails."

"Tell you what," Said House. "This is a dream so I know I'm annoying so I'll let you just knock me out by hitting me in the head."

"Nah, no hard feelings." Said Cobb.

Then Madotsuki just whacked him in the head with a plank and that knocked him out. "I'll stay here and watch in case any Earthbound projections or Uboa try to get in. You extract the information of what Aradia has, and I try to handle the bigger fish."

"What do I do?" Asked Aradia.

"Sit there and look cute." Said Cobb, preparing the machine.

So after he hooked himself up with House (not in that way) and both were asleep, a black and white schoolgirl dropped into the room. Whenever it was Moonside, she grew extra arms and looked weird.

"Hi." She said. "Remember me?"

"Yes get out of my head you obnoxious ass, Monoko." Said Madotsuki.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to cure some girl with something."

"Why?"

"Because she's passing out."

"Why?"

"Go away you troll."

Then Monoko snickered and spray-painted trollface over the wall.

Madotsuki sighed.

* * *

The fourth and final dream level was a just-fine Aradia standing on the top of the Titanic's front while House read the script and Jack was going "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD."

"So you have a tumor it should only take about a year to cure you're fine otherwise."

"AHA!" Shouted Jack, he tried to take off his mask to reveal himself as Dom Cobb but he already looked alike (did anybody else notice that they kind of look similar?) so he just popped his head off. But it was just a dream so he was talking headless. "I finally got the information extracted! It's a tumor that can be dealt with in a year!"

"Oh... I remember now! I remember all of it!" Cheered House, for once in a more upbeat mood. "Thank everything!"

Suddenly the Titanic didn't sink but water began shooting up all around it. Aradia was knocked off the front and into the ocean but House and Cobb fell down the back section like a slide and ended up also soaked. This was a kick that woke them up, that's it for the Titanic references there will be no car fucking.

* * *

Cobb and House woke up (House's injuries were healed on dream logic) and found that within the Fourside zone Monoko filled the room with water through dream powers and that was what kicked them awake. Scarily the water turned to blood during the Moonside portion. Madotsuki shrugged since Monoko technically may or may not have done the right thing: Let's see.

"I KNOW THE ANSWER! IT'S A SIMPLE, EASILY REMOVABLE TUMOR!" Said House.

"Good now let's wake up." Said Madotsuki as she pinched herself, House and Dom followed. Then they faded away. Meanwhile Monoko also followed in suite by pinching herself just after they left, foreshadowing that she isn't a projection.

* * *

Adam and Uboa were fighting and left the building and because of how gravity works like I explained above they were actually sideways but standing on a sideways part of the building.

"IT'S HOPELESS." Said Uboa as she dodged all of Adam's attacks, including transforming everything he dreamed up into something harmless like a sword becoming a flower or a gun becoming a squirt gun. "I RULE OVER THIS DOMAIN! AND EVEN THEN, I PLACED A SHIELD ON YOU IN THE LEVEL ABOVE, PREVENTING YOU FROM EVER WAKING UP PAST THIS LEVEL! YOU MAY DREAM DEEPER, BUT YOU AREN'T LEAVING MY BUILDING HELLNIGHTMARE THING I SET UP! A HA HA HA HA HA!"

Suddenly she got a funny-looking face (different from her usual scary face) like she was just hit in the back of the head. Uboa fell on her face and it turned out that Monoko hit her with a chair, using all five of her arms to hold it up. She looked at Adam and blushed, and it was a red blush because still having red blood in monochome things makes it spooky.

"Hi..." She said.

"I think I know you." Said Adam. "You're kind of annoying or something, aren't you?"

"You must be confusing me with my older sister."

"MAN THIS WHEELS ARE A SWEET RIDE!" Said Monoe, who came driving in wearing shades and was driving a monster truck. "Yeah, Poniko slash Uboa is an idiot. She can also prevent people from entering her layers that are bubbled but she usually doesn't bother. We think we have this under control."

"Also, your friend..." Said Monoko. "He got the diagnosis. But it took him an extra level to get it done."

"Cool!"

Dom Cobb, House, and Madotsuki all jumped down to where Adam is.

"Uboa you know you really suck." Said Madotsuki. "House, she was the one who made the rug that cursed me and it also cursed Masada Monoko and Monoe. Those three though think that they can hang out with our extraction team just because of that like it's some reuinion garbage or something."

"Hey I'm not, I'm just following you because of Cobb." Said Monoe, just because they're from the same series doesn't mean they have to be related to one-another in that way.

"We must kick ourselves awake. That's what we do when pinching isn't quite enough." Said Adam, as he tried pinching and this time it didn't work. So he hopped off and because of how gravity worked with the building, again, he was falling parallel to the Earth. And he did manage to see the bottom of the building it was just a regular entrance. House, Madotsuki, Monoko, Com Dobb, and Monoe all followed in suit.

But then Uboa woke up from her own dream level, and then glared at the team leaving. "I still have control over my dream prison... SO YOU CAN'T ESCAPE! YOU'LL JUST KICK YOURSELF TO LIMBO!"

Then she turned into a scary _Final Fantasy_ form and flew after them breathing fire and lasers and not water because that's a stupid element to attack with I mean I know _5word_ had it but that's because Zelda did it too come on.

"We can't get kicked to Limbo as long as we know that falling itself doesn't kill you! It's because you're at terminal velocity, so slowing down too much like hitting something is what kills you! Fun, right?"

"Wow, I learned something in a neat, action-y way!" Cheered Monoko, "You are really cool!"

"Thanks and remember you can always watch _Mythbusters_!"

So Uboa's new form just threw out lots of hand attacks and other boring things and prevented people from dreaming up guns. Meanwhile below them they were passing all kinds of crossover worlds while falling sideways so references can be made but just not to stuff I hate.

One arm-swipe from Uboa made Monoe wake up and she realized that she wasn't part of the gang that was in the bubble she was using her machine from far away so she could tell Jamie "WE HAVE UBOA ALMOST SEALED AND TAKEN CARE OF JUST PLAN CAREFULLY AND oh um you're already doing good enough."

"Yeah." Was all Jamie said before firing the bow, which shattered the barrier bubble whatever thing and all the sleeping people fell and woke up as that was a kick when they hit the ground. Except Monoko for now, but she fell into a mountain and woke up from that.

So because Uboa was hit with a totem she was weaker now and then Dom Cobb whipped out a taser and went "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!" and zapped her and since this was the time where they would wake up if Uboa didn't have a hold everyone woke up also because that taser thing was loud and (literally!) shocking.

* * *

So in the real world House told Aradia that they could easily cure her and she went jumping around going "I'M CURED! I'M CURED! I'M CUREEEED! Well I mean not yet but I can be." But then suddenly something black shot through her chest and absorbed her, killing her. It was Uboa! Slash Poniko because right now she just looked like Poniko with an Uboa-like tentacle arm thing which was what was used to kill Aradia. But that quickly turned back into a Poniko hand.

"Now for the final showdown... my true power form!"

I heard that in like RPGs usually the villains go under weird transformations first then look more like bishonen so this newest form looked like Sepheroph but with Uboa-like faces in the hair. This was still Poniko or Uboa or I don't even know why she'd have a name change I'll just call her Poniko from now on even if she looks like Uboa.

"Now witness my true form!"

"Oooh, whaat are you gonna do about it?" Asked House, "Play emo music?"

"I'M NOT LOOKING LIKE AN EMO, I'M LOOKING LIKE A BISHIE! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

So then Poniko was just firing stuff but then House noticed the CAUTION WET FLOOR and to solve a mystery from earlier this is what he slipped in! So he tapped Poniko on her shoulder and said "Hey I'm over here! Behind you! Like in Looney Tunes where they sneak up!"

Then House jumped back and Poniko ran over to him but slipped on the puddle and fell out the window.

"Well." Said House, "My diagnosis is... that she fell out the window and fell and died."

"YOU IDIOTS!" Shouted Poniko, "YOU CANNOT TRULY KILL A NIGHTMARE! I WILL BE BACK!" Then she flew away.

"You can't kill a nightmare, but you can kill braincells." Said House as he took a drink. Meanwhile, Madotsuki ran around looking at the dream machine's twisting tubes and stuff and followed them to a neighboring closet, where they found Masada, Monoko, and Monoe having set themselves up with it and just waking up.

"Hey wanna join my team if you're gonna be annoying anyway?" Asked Madotsuki.

"Okay." Said Monoko.

"Wait, what? They broke in on us while we were sleeping. That's a rude thing to do!" House butted in.

"Why should you care? You don't work with us." Answered Madotsuki.

"Oh yeah good point." House nodded. "And I don't want to. Since I still make a lot more money than you."

He got out a cigarette (which is like a cigar but smaller and lighter hence the "ettte") and blew a smoke ring in Madotskui, walking off into the sunset (there was a window to the sunset that's how he did this even while inside). "See ya later!"

Don't worry even in sequels focused on this band of dream-travelers (the recruiting thing where Mado asks the other YN characters is foreshadowing that) House will still appear because I like his talk-back shit.

* * *

**Footnotes:**

**A:** Based on the time and date I wrote the number down: 9:40, 5/22.

* * *

**Closing AN:**

Yeah, I rushed this just so that I could push out having another _SBIGlet_ out before 2015 flies by without a single update to this. (Hell, my last update to this before the "dark aura" paragraph onwards was back in November 9th... of **2013**) And you can probably tell, from the shorter length compared to _5word_ mixed in with how very little was expanded on. Like the key-numbers. In hindsight I really shouldn't have cornered myself by having these chapters come in a certain order. Oh well. Maybe I'll silently sneak back and change this later?

The next chapter will probably be out in less than a year. Joking aside, I'm already... probably mostly done, I think, but I feel like changing a bit of how the story will go from its original plan. Thankfully, I didn't write up to the point that I wanted to change now to begin with.

Next up: **Gym Class**. During high school gym, John, Jade, Jane, and Jake of _Homestuck_ fame get lost and stranded without their clothes. Then a war happens.


	3. Isaac Unbounded

**SBIGlets**

**Chapter 3: Isaac Unbounded**

**Beginning AN:**

_This is primarly a fic of: The Binding of Isaac._

* * *

Author's note I know of this game called the binding of issaac but it is very sad! So I wanted to make a less sad. Anyway, here is the story:

_Isaac was an average kid, that no-one understands._  
_His Mom was trying to kill him, says it's one of God's commands._  
_Doom and gloom under his room, was broken instantly,_  
_By a magic architech who gives him real respect,_  
_'Cuz in reality! He is the_  
_Odd Jesus, Fairly Odd Jesus-_

No. There won't be a musical SBIGlet. If yes, then not for a while, and sure as hell not a longer one like this.

Anyway after Monstro's death Isaac had noticed an angel room opening up. It was a special angel room, though, as it contained Ted Mosby from How I met Your Mother.

"Hey, uh, listen," he said. "I'm really Jesus, so... if you've been reading _Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals_, this is based on a joke in chapter 13 so it's not as random as it sounds. Yeah. Your life is terrible, and I'm here to make it better. In fact, let me see what item you got from the item room."

"I read chapter 13 of that, skimmed it, couldn't find it." Said Isaac.

"...Nevermind, just accept that but I won't be here for long."

"Okay." Isaac held out the Poop.

"Bad item, too. If I were you, I would just reset until Little Brimstone. Anyway, I have a much better item. Two, actually."

He tossed Isaac car keys.

"This is one item, the keys to a brand new Prius."

So Isaac drove off and drove up and around in his room.

"But my mom will kill me!"

"Run her over. You got a car now. And it's okay about killing people if they're trying to kill you: She's just crazy."

So he did and broke out of the house. And drove towards off the road and down the street of the cul-de-sac he was from, while Ed, Edd, and Eddy watched in shock.

"Holy _crap!_" Eddy exclaimed, "We couldn't drive because we were 'too young,' and this little boy can? What is he, like, two even?"

As Ted would say, what happened with those guys in the past and in the future might be another story, or actually another stories, if they were connected but I'm still iffy about that. (Read _The Eds' EDventure_ for more on them, these take place in the same world.) For now, let's just go to Isaac. He was cruising along down and escaping from his home. Wait shit, he doesn't live in a cul-de-sac. Um, he wasn't Edd's neighbor as I planned, but he left the hilly house and past the cul-de-sac on the way to look around for houses for rent.

Things seemed to be looking up, but only because he didn't look down at the basement! Because of the huge hole he broke through, there were now monsters and everything flying out of the hole, including the seven deadly sins! And the... maybe-zombies I don't know.

Zombies attacked! And Edd... again, another story. EDIT: On second thought, I already explained the real origin of the zombies, like... twice. Oh! I could just say that those were the zombies at the end of TEE that the Kankers found.

"Here is the other item." We go back to Ted and Isaac in the car, "This is the Ocarina of Innards. It's like an enhanced version of the Balad of Duality. If you have any 'inner friends' or something, this will bring them to life! You seem kind of lonely, so you might need this."

"This sounds even better."

He lifted it, and basically it was all the playable characters except for Blue and the Lost and Kepper. We'll get to them later.

"Okay," Ted said, "Now that I have an audience of more than one person, I feel comfortable telling stories. Like the story of how I met my kid's mother."

* * *

We now fast foreward to like this adult years thing. They've all just graduated high school and things were going well, except for the evil Seven Deadly Sins, who were plotting evil stuff.

In their headquarters, Pride was folding his arms over his desk evilly.

"WE were also free from the dungeon!" He said as exposition. "Along with lots of monsters, and WE'RE the bosses because it should always be about US! Now... what the hell - get it because the game is religious themed - have those idiots been doing for their lives? Living NORMALLY? HA! I'll show them! Sins! Prepare yourselves!"

They all gathered around and saluted him.

"Now, we attack!"

* * *

They were still kinda living together and adjusting with life outside of being killed in a house. Suddenly, Isaac heard dry gasping from his bedroom and ran in.

Inside Ted was dead! He was stabbed by Wratch, who evilly gloated.

"HE FELT MY WRATH!" Shouted Wrath. "NOW, ISAAC, THIS IS THE ULTIMATE DUEL BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL! IF US, THE SEVEN SINS, CAN KILL ALL OF YOU, WE'LL ABSORB YOUR POWER AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

"Oh that doesn't sound good." Said Isaac.

"YOU BET IT DOESN'T!" Yelled Wrath. "NOW! FACE THE HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE!"

Yes the Sins are minibosses and the Horsemen are full bosses but I thought it would be cool that Wrath is the violent sin so he has the powers of the apocalypse people. Plus just throwing bombs isn't a very cool way of attack. Anyway, the Horsemen tore through the walls and were floating and firing things after Isaac. Pestilence was making bugs come after him. War was shooting a gun because that's what was is. And Death was throwing those annoying scythes and havign too much HP. Famine was just going in to the fridge and stealing all the food like a jerk.

Issac took off in a run at first but then heard the shower water turn off and something rushing. Then Eve, who was using the shower the whole time, jumped out with guns and a towel and shot the horsemen dead! Except Death who had too much HP, so then Eve ran to the motorcycle and got on and told Isaac "Come on!"

This adult Eve had kept her emo style and still liked the eye shadow thingy (although now you can't see it she was in the shower so it washed off) and had a really hot curvy body with large boobs and butt. In fact her butt was sticking out from her towel when she jumped on the motorcycle and before you're thinking "Wow Isaac's lucky" reminder that they're brother and sister so it's more like "Ew a butt" and not "Yay hot butt."

Anyway Isaac did get on behind Eve awkwardly and then Eve drove off after Death, while Wrath got on Death's horse thingy and they had a high-speed chase that quickly took them to the freeway. Eventually Eve kept shooting at Death but then managed to shoot the horse instead which made Death and Wrath fall off, Death tumbled a bit until he ended up ramming in to a propane truck that exploded and killed him. The driver, a cameo from Hank Hill, was flown out. Don't worry he's not going to die yet, but this version of him does die in _Act 5 Vs Act 6_ so spoiler warning. Also spoilers that _EDventure_ and _Kids Fight the Trolls_ are linked in some way.

Wrath was there and still alive because, ironically (you can turn his bombs against him) he did not get blown up, but then Eve walked over to him and stepped on his head and aimed the gun at him.

"Ha ha I can see up your towel. Ew." He said. Remember they're biologically related I think, so he doesn't find this hot.

"Tell me who sent you."

"How do I know you won't shoot me in the head?"

"I will if you tell me."

"So why should I tell you?"

She aimed the gun at his balls.

"OKAY OKAY! Pride sent me, leader of the Seven Deadly Sins! Here, take this paper their adress is written on it." He got a paper out from his... suit... thing and handed it to them. He's the only one of the sins with clothes. "It's the ultimate tower. Go there and no more Sins should bother you."

"Okay."

She shot him in the head. One Sin down, six to go.

But the gun's knockback caused her towel to fly off and get blown in the wind. Eve said "Oh shoot, I'm gonna have to carry my gun on hand the whole time."

"Should we get the whole gang here?" Said Isaac. "Also, Ted Mosby is dead. :("

"We should." Said Eve. "If what Wrath said when he meant 'seven' is foreshadowing, there's 7 of them, so more numbers will be better. Now, get your phone out and call them, we're going to this address." She started going to the motorcycle with edge.

"Aren't you gonna put on clothes first?" Asked Isaac.

"There's no damn time." Eve replied, because she's edgy. "We must get there fast. Wrath showed that they are not above attacking our house."

"...I'll tell the others to just pack clothes and stuff, then."

"There's no time for even that! It's an emergency! Have Azazel stay because he's overpowered and can easy wipe them if they end up coming home!"

So then the rest of the gang got there, except Azazel, who was nervous and figiting which is kind of something he always does, but he was just prepping Brimstone blasts anyway. Er, mini-Brimstone.

Anyway, on their way to the adress (which they used Google to help get there, it's called product placement) to drive there with the cars that the group brought and looked at the massive building ahead of them.

"WOW that is huge." Said Isaac. Sometimes he points out the obvious. That's his quirk. "Now what?"

Suddenly, all the Sins except Pride and Greed burst out!

"SUDDENLY STOP!" Shouted Sloth. Get it, because lazyness. "THIS IS A STICKUP!"

"That's not what stickup means dumbass." Replied Envy. "Then again, what you lack in brains you make up for in bombs. I'm jealous."

"You're a fucking annoying boss." Eden said, I guess let's make them the swearer. "You have nothing to be jealous about." PS I can verify this, after unlocking lots of stuff on Wii U I've just been dicking around wasting my Eden tokens. I made Enby like the Newman to Eden's Jerry Seinfeld, on a shitty stats like low tears he's a pain in the ass to fight.**(A)**

"Well screw you! And you can be anything random, pulling abilities from your ass! I'm envious of that!"

So Envy was the first to charge after the group and fight, but then Eve shot him, and it seemed like it was all over and good... UNTIL ENVY SPLIT INTO TWO!

"URGH!" Eve shouted as she kept shooting at him, but he kept splitting into smaller pieces. "Dang it, let's get rid of our home defenses! I'm calling Azazel!"

* * *

Back home the phone rang.

"H-hello...?" Asked Azazek.

"Hi it's Eve, we actually do need you after all to stop this guy from multiplying and just multi-wipe him out or something like that there's probably a better word for it."

"Okay."

He flew but was then distracted by Greed being there, offering him a pill.

"HI THERE!" Said Greed sneakily. "Would you like this pill to enlarge your brimstone range? Only five bucks!"

"Okay!"

But it was actually a speed down pill!

"Fugde I'm slow!" Shouted Azazel as he tried flying! Greed was a jerk! And went to the house!

"No, wait!" Shouted Azazel. "Noooooo!"

But he was too slow to catch up and watched as the house blew up in an explosion.

* * *

Judas had actually saved the day by using Book of Belial and just wiping out Envy's tiniest splits. Okay, two down. "Wow you're annoying." He said.

"COME OVER HERE!" Shouted Lust. "I'M KIND OF YANDERE FOR YOU ALL!"

She just chased after them but then tripped. Cain rolled his eye without the patch and kind of stabbed her with a knife thing they brought with them. Not Mom's Knife I don't really like that weapon too much. Now that's three, I really want to move things along.

"Kay, that one's done." Cain said.

Greed came back in a motorcycle and was evil and laughing a lot. "I made Azazel's flying speed too slow so now he's having trouble... I guess you could say _CATCHING UP_ TO HIM!"

"...I don't get that, is that even a joke?" Asked Isaac.

"Eh... kind of." Said Greed. "Now, your OP monster won't stop me!"

"Just because he is strandificated and outcast to the void of being set backwards does not mean you are absolutely invincible." I hate dumb blonde character stereotypes so here, I made Magdelene into a genius (also she has the most complicated name), so she's the one that said that.

But then Greed's motorcycle flipped on a rock and he was flying on a crash-course to Sloth.

"SLOTH MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!" He shouted at Sloth.

"Um... no. I'm too lazy, that's my flaw."

And it was a fatal flaw as it got both of them killed when the motorcycle crashed and exploded and killed them both! Otherwise, if Sloth had moved out of the way, then his weird green flammable goop stuff would not have been ignited by the motorcycle's feuls and did not blow up, which just means Greed would have just hurt a leg or something.

"NOOOO!" Angered Greed's ghost. "AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOU GUYS! THE KEEPER AND EVERYTHING!"

"Ha ha, NAH." Said Eve. "Now, just two more..."

Gluttony had no idea what to do. He just went "Uh... eat lasers?" And opened his stomach and fired a lasser beam. But because I wanted this to be realistic there's no way this wouldn't kill him, so he ended up actually firing out his insides and stuff and died there. Ew.

Isaac got on a determined serious face. "All that leaves is Pride, the worst sin." He said as they went on forth and inside and up the elevator to his office.

there was Ride, standing there in aa swivel chair with his hands folded like he was ready to fight.

"Yes, did you enjoy my building?" He asked. "In fact, I didn't even add any foundation to it!"

"...Guys I'm an architeckt." Said Lazarus. "Let's get out so that we'll die as minimum times as possible."

So they did as Pride kept laughing at his creation.

But then the building just fell over and killed him.

"Well I guess that's it for now!" Cheered Isaac. ""Now we can go back home if it wasn't blown up!"

Then Azazel finally caught up to them! He worked out a bit and now he's faster.

"Guys! Bad news! R-r-r-r-really bad news!" He said. "Satan is awake!"

"Huh?" Asked isaac.

But then he felt a soul-handish thing on him that grabbed his very soul, and pulled it out, and that was the Lost. His body fell down because blue, and turned into the souless Quewstionmarks.

"MWAH HA HA!" Shouted Sattan. "I now have Isaac's body and soul separatred, and I will use his body as my evil zombie minion! Burn in hell! Except my version of hell is more black and bones than it is red and fire!"

He flew off with Questionmarks.

"I might not be able to see them," Said Lilith. She lost her eyes in some unrelated accident recently. "but I can sense them with my super other senses. They're over by the beach."

* * *

So at the beach, everyone was in swimsuits and partying because this was also a party. By everyone I mean the bystandards, it would be stupid for Isaac and co to dress up since they're not swimming they're SAVING THE WORLD and also because Eve's still naked.

Anyway, Satan flew over with Questionmarks making a lot of evil fly enemies.

**"ATTENTION FUCKING TOWN CITIZEN PEOPLES!"** Satan yelled. **"I AM SATAN, RULER OF HELL! SEE YOU IN HELL! BURN IN HELL! BLAH BLAH BLAH THE WORD 'HELL' MAKES ME SOUND COOL AND EDGY! OH, AND QUESIOTNMARKS IS A STUPID NAME! BLUE GUY! YOU ARE NOW LORD OF THE FLIES EVEN THOUGH I THINK THAT'S JUST ANOTHER NAME FOR ME! BECAUSE IT SOUNDS COOLER IF MORE NAMES ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENT DENOMS! AND WE ARE DEMONS FROM HELLLLL!"**

He started firing blood lasers everywhere. I would say that he also blackened the sky and blood reddened the ocean but I already did that in _Homestuck Thanksgiving Special_. Oops that was a spoiler that gave away that there was in fact blood and dark stuff in it, so I might as well say that its real name is _Kids Fight the Zombies_.

When the Isaac crew arrived, Satan looked annoyed.

"BLACK!" He didn't say it like the color it was more like "Blechk!" when he says something that grosses him out. "What the hell are you doing here? Get it, Hell, because I'm Satan?"

"Your place is called Sheol, Satan." Said Eve as she lit a cigarette. She always packs cigs in her motorcycle, that explains how she had time for that but not clothes. "I'm the edgy one, I studied this stuff."

"...Are you telling me about my own job?" He asked.

"Well you're clearly shit at it, I mean." Eve replied. "First of all, where's the tormented souls? All you did when you came out was waited until the Sins - who are like your buddies or something - to die, _then_ you just took a random soul. And, no offense Isaac/The Lost, but I think my body would be more appropriate for taking because I'm the edgy and badass one. Sorry, but you're an awful villain."

"Hey..."

"Worse written than Lord English."

**"HEY! YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE **_**HOMESTUCK!**_** NOW I'M MAD! I'LL KILL YOU! AND THEN RIG THE JUDGEMENT SO THAT IT SAYS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN FRAMED FOR MURDER, SO YOU'LL ALL GO TO HELL-** oh wait you said it was Sheol** \- AND TORTURE THE hell OUT OF YOU! (GET IT?). Oh wait, no, I think I should say things like "AND TORTURE THE shelo OUT OF YOU!" ...Nah, that doesn't have as good of a ring to it..."**

"Quick!" Shouted Samson, "Let's rush his goat ass! ...why are you a goat, anyway. If there's any animat I'd associate with the devil, it woud be Cockroaches. I hate those things."

**"I AM A GOAT BECAUSE... UH... I AM BASED OFF OF SATAN FROM THE BIBLE? AND HE'S A GOAT? YEAH!"**

"...So you're not the real Satan you're saying?" Asked Samson.

**"SHUT UP AND DIIIIIEEE!"** When he said **"DIEEEEEEEE"** he shot out Bad CGI FIre from his mouth and moved his mouth back and forth.

This was a stupid attack because it didn't even hit anybody. The beach goers didn't take him seriously; they just kept playing along.

Eve rolled her eyes and went up to try to fight but then got blocked by Questionmarks. I mean, Lord of the Flies, that's his name now.

"We're gonna do that one-on-one thing where the second-good guy, you, and the second-bad guy, me, have one-on-one kung fu. Unrelatedly, ever heard of _The Man Who Saves the World_, AKA _Turkish Star Wars_?" LOTF hissed and wheezed.

"Uh... no. Oh wait, is that the thing Isaac watches with the _Indiana Jons_ music?"

LOTF nodded. And then, the _Indiana Jones_ theme started playing.

So Eve and LOTF had a little hand-to-hand combat scene and there were flips and the like. And Eve was throwing stuff that exploded randomly (_Turkish Star Wars_). Meanwhile, the rest of the gang had THE SATAN DEVIL HIMESELF to deal with at the beach.

"Okay, how are we going to do this?" Asked Isaac/Lost.

"I think I can handle this guy completely by myself." Said Azazel.

"...Okay try it." Said Lost.

Azazel flew up to Satan and prepared a Brimstone blast, and then to his surprise it didn't immediately kill him.

**"HA HAH A!"** Laughed Satna. **"I AM THE FINAL BOSS! IT WILL TAKE MORE DAMAGE THAN THAT TO FINISH ME OFF!"**

Eve currently had LOTF pinned down and was doing some kind of move where she sat on him and pulled his leg.

"Hey just keep hitting him a lot of times." Was Eve's advice. "He'll die ventually."

Oh yeah! New person for Afterbith +, Apollyon. I feel like I should round off the not-undead playable characters before ending this fic. Anyway, Apollyon's thing involved items themselves... I don't want to make this TOO Much like _Isaac_ so I'm not completely sure how to put items in here... uh...

Apollyon just got a beach ball or something and transformed it by eating it with some kind of void powers (_Afterbirth + isn't out_ yet, bear with me) and that was randomly turned to a speed up.

"EAT THIS OKAY!" Shouted Apollyon as he now had super speedo and rushed around and slapped Satan in the face several.

"OW OW OW! LET UP!"

And meanwhile, to add on to the way Satan was losing, suddenly Eve just kind of pile-drived (AN I don't actually know what that is it just sounds cool) LOTF on the ground and used some kind of demon ritual to seal Lost back in. So now IUsaac was just Isaac and not at risk of dyibng instantly or being used to TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD( this is an Animaniacs reference).

"Now we can enter super mode together and finish him off!" Shouted ISaac.

"What?" Asked Magdalene.

"What?" Asked Lilith.

"WHAT?" Asked Eve, even she the badass doesn't know what's going on with that.

"Oh yeah, you didn't know?" Asked Isaac. "I think... we actually do have this kind of super mode. I remember reading about it online. We just need these sort of things called ritual powers or something like that, all gathered around here and together..."

"Okay, where do we find them?" Asked Eve.

**"ROAR!"** Shouted Satan.

"Shut up." Said Eve.

**":("** said Satan.

"Anyway," continue Isaac, "according to Wikihow, they're found by a beach when a demon is around, naturally forming when sand, water, and evil mix. The stronger the demon, the better."

**"HA HA HA!"** laughed Satan. **"GOOD LOOK FINDING A DEM- oh what the Sheol. I'm screwed, right?"**

"How powerful do you think you are?" Asked Isaac.

"Really?" Replied Satan. "Pride is the worst of Sins, the devil of sins, or so I've heard. So I'm like... the ultimate pride beast thingy. So I _think_ I'm really powerful. Because **I TOTALLY AM!"**

Then a bunch of these glowing cyan coin-looking things started being noticeable on the beach.

"Okay, we can take those coins and make some kind of bow with _Zelda_-like silver arrows and beat him like Ganon. And this didn't come out of nowhere, _Binding of Isaac_ is really _Zelda_-like inspired so that's the foreshadowing."

So anyway crafting the light arrows wasn't that hard. And with them-

Shit, I _**KNEW**_ this was something I already did. _Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals_. Also had light arrows. Oh wait, I called them silver arows. Nevermind, it's completely original aside from the _Zelda_ reference, but that's an easter egg so it's okay.

So yeah Isaac because he's the main character aimed to kill Satan but he was a bad shot, so he gave it to Eve who did the honors instead.

"NO!" Shouted Satan. He isn't bolded now because the silver arrows took away his dark evilness as it killed him. "YOU'RE KILLING ME! BUT WITH ME DEA, WHO WILL RUN HELL? BWAH HA HA!"

"Outsourcve Hell then." Said Lazarus.

"YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!" Shouted Satan as he exploded.

"Uh... yeah, I'd say we _did._" Said Eve. "Now, let's go drink or something. Smokes on me. Because I smoke and drink, because I'm edgy."

So then they all happily walked off, and perverted beach goers oggled the naked Eve.

...But then, a red hand stuck itself out through the beach, and a strange red skinned face (not Loki) looked around and then looked out the ocean to an island behind her...

* * *

**Footnotes:**

**A:** This is based on my actual _Rebirth_ playthrough.

**Closing AN:**

Anyway, with this out of the way, all of my at-least-yearly quotas (crack crossover (_Paper John: Sticker Star_), an update of _Total Zeksmit Plains_ ("Campers Vs the Future"), maybe something 360-related on 12/12 (_361 Striking Degrees_ on Fictionpress), a new _SBIG_ story until the entire series is over (_Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage_) and an update of _SBIGlets_ (which you're reading right now)). But that does not mean that I am done with this year _just yet._ I've still got an update of _run:gifocalypse_ to go to. And a big one, at that. And even then, I _might_ be able to squeeze out _Spooky's Jump Scare M- OH LOOK IT'S BILL CIPHER_ as well. As for right now... I'll finally get back to working on chapter 3 of _naruto the guy with the ninja_. Wow, I almost felt like saying chapter 4. An update for that, I believe, is _long_ overdue, so long that in my head I'm thinking that I'm already on chapter 4. I should not get ahead of myself, however. Especially in a fic like that...

Anyway, for the next story... I'm not completely sure. It might be some dumb spinoff interquel set in the _Journals_ verse. Fun fact, this was originally (and, according to my computer's files, still titled as) the fifth _SBIGlet_ instead of the third. The original third one was going to be... "Gym Class," some _Homestuck_ thingy about John, Jade, Jane, and Jake trying to make it home but eventually being roped in to a conflict with North Korea... I don't really want to talk about that anymore. Number four was something called "Ship But Not Romance," a kinda crossover between _Gravity Falls_ and _Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals_ that sorta kind of rips off a bit from _Sonic Zombie Doom Ship_. I don't really want to talk too much about that either, just like early-_Journals_ I wrote that before I really **knew** knew _Gravity Falls_. It might have had the honor of being my first .GIFfany-free _Gravity Falls_ story if I did go through with it (can't remember if she appears or not, and I really don't want to look through it). Well, here's something else. Anyway, originally I had it planned that a character that was from a story that would be heavily involved in next chapter would cameo in the current one. Monoko makes an appearance in _5word_, the next story involved _Yume Nikki_. Aradia is the patient of _Dream House_, the third story was going to be about _Homestuck_. Since I might change around the order of the stories, as I did here, I decided to drop that. So, no more "future peek cameos." After all, even I can't decide what I want to do with them.

This story itself went through some major plotline changes. Originally, the fight with the Sins would have been a knockoff of a scene from the _Gurren Lagann_ movie where they take on all the four generals at once (except the first guy, he was already dead). Then there would be some sort of second time skip, and they would deal with the Great Mighty Poo or something. I settled for a simpler, shorter plot that made more sense and was a bit more... uh... "in tune?" with _Binding of Isaac_ itself.

As for that "odd cliffhanger ending," that may or may not (I'm not trolling around, I legitimately don't really know right now) be tied to a non-badfic _Isaac_ thing that I might start once I run out of Eden Tokens on _Rebirth_ for the Wii U. I'll announce more of that once I hit... about six or so tokens. Or, if I have a day where I keep dying, if I finish my run with six or less tokens. This AN is already long enough as-is, I feel like cutting it short at this point.


End file.
